This Moment

Every second we experience a new moment in time. It’s an odd concept to think about, to really ponder. Each moment - it’s all we have. Two seconds ago has vanished, sinked into the shadows of our history, and yet, we have no control of what will happen in the seconds to come. We only have the present, what’s happening right now, this moment.

During the school year, the concept of the moment seems to be foreign to every member of the Andover community. Students can often be found stressed, backtracking to number seven of the Physics test they have already passed in moments ago, or frazzled about the sign-in time they may be late for in the moments to come. There is so much going on, all of the time, in a web of worries of our past actions - the Physics test, the conversation, the in-class essay, and an anxiety for the future - sports practice, SAT’s, applications, as well as the less anxious, but still trailing thoughts we fill our time with - the memories that makes us smile - time spent with friends, family, as well as exciting plans - the weekend, travel...how often are we actually in the moment, this moment?

From the conversation our group shared in our last meeting, it was pretty obvious that while we were all there physically, sitting around in our familiar circle, mentally, we couldn’t have been farther. It was the day before exams, and I know, while I wanted to be in the moment, in the spirit of Niswarth, I could not help but to drift off into the world of Calculus - in absolute fear of what the next day would bring. We all have those thoughts. It began with a fear of a derivative I couldn’t solve, then it grew into a fear of failure, the dreaded idea of waking up the next morning, not being able to solve one problem, only to shuffle into the mindset of failing at every aspect of life - not getting into college, which would mean no med school, which would translate into no career...

And then I looked at the clock. Two minutes had passed. Two minutes of conversation and engagement, two minutes of moments that I had deprived myself of, trapped in a world of anxiety, a stream of worries that I had no control over. I looked around the classroom, and I could sense a similar air of stress from the group. We all had finals, and all of our minds were wandering into worlds of Physics, Chemistry, Math, History 310 papers and Shakespeare...

This moment is difficult. To live in the moment, to really isolate it, and allow ourselves to focus on this very instant is a great challenge, but it is one we must take, for it is all we have. We need this moment, we need to breathe in it, to experience it, to not allow it to slip away. We need to grasp on and take in all that the moment has to offer.

While I can barely believe that this moment has finally arrived, the moment in which I can actually say that I am about to leave for Mumbai, part of me does not want tomorrow to come. With the months of excitement leading up to Niswarth locked into my past - the orientation meetings, the dinners, the conversations, the smiles - it is sad to think those moments are gone...and tomorrow we will be on a plane...

I want to capture the rapid moments that Mumbai will give me. I need to live these next three weeks as moments, before they are documented, blogged and photographed, I need the moment as it is.

--Angela