What am I bringing home? To answer this question would be to answer so many questions that have emerged as this experience begins to close. To answer this question would be to try to unpack the impact that Niswarth has had on me. I`m not sure if I could do that in one blog post.

I`m not sure if I could do that in a novel.

What am I bringing home?

I`m bringing context: the concept of my life as not an organism of fatality but as a system that deserves to be scrutinized and perhaps even changed. I`m bringing back a slightly broader understanding of the vast framework that is this world, and a mind that is beginning to look into things, not just at them.

I`m bringing back direction. I`m bringing experiences I want to have, the world that I want to see, things that I want to learn, and, for perhaps the first time in my life, strong, tangible reasons to wish for these marvels. I`m bringing back a humility, however ephemeral, that comes with the obvious realization that this world is so vast. It is nothing short of sobering to be in a city that never stands still, to be surrounded by millions of other humans just being.

I`m bringing home faith. Jayesh Patel compared life to a long, dark road, on which all we have is a single flashlight. It takes so much trust to accept the inevitability of the unknown. Now, I feel so much excitement and hope for whatever happens in my life. I want to learn, I want to grow, and I want to do. I don`t know how, but I am so excited by the chance to live a process that will allow me to figure it out. Like all of us, I am a human in the process of becoming, and there`s no end to this infinite, beautiful cycle.

I don`t think that this experience has changed me, because “change” isn`t quite the right word. Everything that exists inside of me now always existed; it was just buried under something else. India, with willowy limbs drenched in life, complexity, and color, has dusted off my shelves and boxes. It has reached into my drawers and fanned out my pages, creating surface area from emptiness like a pop-up book.

What am I bringing home?

I`m bringing myself.

What else could I really bring?