empty shells

I am a sponge. I absorb it all— the books, the movies, the flashing headlines, the Buzz Feed articles telling me what kind of cat I would be, the cultures I have passed through, the people that have reached me, the twelve years worth of teaching material, including kindergarten because there I learned that stars are rewarded to the nice and quiet. With this information, I unknowingly have built a shell. A shell of comfort and security. I think we all need one, to provide a basis of understanding life and all its quirks. Our stories, our experiences are embedded in this shell. We know what to expect. But this shell is numbing. It holds us down and numbs.

At times I feel that I am simply on the receiving end, listening to all the perspectives and feeling nothing inside. No time is given, to reflect, to digest, and to feel compassion.

I am at an age where I want to change, to beat the system instilled in my brain that urges me to absorb, memorize and regurgitate.

I am at an age where I have endless opportunities to learn and explore. My curiosity is that of a six year old, wondering our purposes in life. I must admit that I was a potato during most of six to eighth grades, worrying about the latest fashions such as Crocs, Uggs and Silly Bands and discovering the black holes of the internet, binge watching reality TV shows and stalking Justin Bieber’s Facebook with my friends. I have been listening for most of my life, and I am ready to engage, feel and step outside this shell of mine.

Therefore, I am leaving behind an empty shell, once bombarded with worries, insecurities and beliefs. It is all I know. Perhaps to understand all that I have left behind, I will say what I have brought. We were asked many times for one simple thing: to come with an open mind. This is all I need to build a new shell, hopefully a bit bigger and equipped with a frozen yogurt machine.

Therefore, I am leaving behind my past knowledge of the future and coming with an open mind.