Not Too Sure, But Filled with Admiration

As I sit writing this blog, I can think of very little to say. To discuss fear or a single word might take away from Gandhi’s words which I want to sit with rather than interpret because that is not my place. I feel disconnected from his Truth and his Peace which serve as a basis for his argument and doctrine on fearlessness (See P. 19, 1st paragraph and P. 20, 2nd paragraph). A disconnect that revolves around my own distrust and lack of faith in a God, a higher power, or an energy rather than any of his beliefs. In this way, I feel very little when reading or listening to this part of his work. I am trying to be with this writing but I can’t seem to find a phrase or a piece, because of this distrust, useful in my life right now and to take a word, as I said, might do this work an injustice. I say this with all the honesty in my heart and the utmost respect, which often assumes a type comparability that I do not have. I think admiration might fit better. I don’t think this needs to be said, but Gandhi’s legacy, life, and doctrine is nearly impossible to parallel in its goodness and I don’t mean to claim it as false or flawed.

I have not felt fear on this trip, so I will wait. I have felt uncomfortableness, nervousness, apprehension, joy, sadness, desire, and confusion. However, if I can equate his goal of Peace and Truth to one of happiness and joy, there are then ways in which I can internalize his work and ideas of fearlessness. So I will try. Fear very well blocks all other feelings and impedes on rational thinking which allows it to dictate many decisions, choices, and opportunities while it resides in the mind. I think fear is a construct of my own thinking through which it manifests as an overwhelming emotion. For instance, if I see a large spider, my mind will recognize it for what it is, and a preconceived notion or memory will then trigger an emotional response--fear. This can be applied to a loss material wealth, family and loved ones, and death. By shaking my own attachment to those aspects of my life, I do believe I may feel a kind of happiness and joy. But I don’t think I have it in me to shake my attachment to my family and if were to, I think I may lose something that I believe makes me human, because I don’t believe I am His. By living without that natural piece of life, I might become ignorant to my own humanity. If that is true, then I think that state of happiness and joy be founded in ignorance, as simple as “ignorance is bliss.”