The Monster

“Some are ready to die themselves , but cannot bear their loved ones being taken away from them ”- Mahatma Gandhi

Fear of the unknown has always bother me. I definitely don't like surprises. At all. The mixture of discomfort and insecurity I feel when I don't know what is coming next makes me restless. Most of the time I have a set schedule for what I’m going to do during the day. The funny thing is that I’m not scared of the biggest fears that life can have for me. An example of this would be death. Even at a young age, I found the concept of death completely natural. We are born, we have life— could be good, bad or everything in between— and then we pass on to greener pastures. What actually scares me is something bad happening to the people I love. That is the actual fear of the unknown. You never know how bad it can be or for how long it will go on.

Walking around the halls in the school for the blind, I could see and feel the struggle of the younger kids to walk around. I can’t say they were unhappy, because they clearly weren’t. They had each other. A brotherly connection that could never be replaced by any other new one made. The older students helped the younger students out by guiding them. I could sense the affection and respect they felt towards each other as a warm breeze in the Summer. For them the fear of the unknown was a persistent monster that clings to them on a daily basis. In order for them to fight these feelings of angst and darkness, they latch on to each other. For them, fear of the unknown does not exist as long as they have each other. The same fear makes my entire body shiver ,and paralyzes me to the core, might be the fear of losing someone I love. I am willing to sacrifice my own well-being for the one of those who I love the most, and I am sure these boys were willing to walk through fire if that meant they could save each other.

In a way, I’ve been living separate lives from family for a while now. Waking up in a dorm room in the middle of Massachusetts; while they wake up in my houses—surrounded by the sweet smells and wonted sights I was used to— was l and cook breakfast, I walk into the dinning hall and get a quick snack before first period starts. Every movement I make at Andover is fast paced and planed in advance. My family has not been taken away completely, I know they won’t forget me, but I feel that I am slowly forgetting parts of my life there. That is my real fear. Now,it just takes just a moment to focus my mind in school, but it takes me a complete hour trying to remember what life was before. When it should be the other way around.

Somehow, I should be scared of the opposite but I am not. I fear everyday for the lives of my family. I fear that one day, without even knowing I will wake up and found myself surrounded by a colossal monster made out of sadness that has opened up a whole in my heart by taking them away,.But also every morning I see them wherever I go: in a mother smiling to her daughter , in a grandpa sharing a laughter with her grandchild and in a father hugging his children.