While packing for my three week long trip to India, I quickly realized there was so little I could fit in my suitcase. Thus, I was forced to leave so much behind. At first, I worried this was a negative. I can’t bring my family and friends with me, which make me feel so comfortable and loved, no matter where I am in the world. With them by my side, I feel at home. By leaving them behind, I feel out of place. But by leaving this sense of comfortability behind, I am forced to be okay with the unknown. Im also having behind my sense of direction. At home, I know where I am at all times, and I know the direct path of how to get where I want to go. Lost is not a feeling I encounter often. I usually have an idea of what my goal is in everything I do, and I never don’t know what I am doing. If I feel uncertain, my initial reaction is to cower away from the situation. I need to leave this response behind. I am leaving behind the need to find a purpose or outcome in everything I do. I have to walk into every situation with an open heart and open eyes.
I am also leaving behind a sense of ignorance. When choosing causes I want to devote my time and energy to, I often pick issues I see everyday in my life. For example, I am passionate about feminism, because I encounter misogyny everyday, and am able to see first hand other struggles races in the United States endure. Issues such a solving world hunger and poverty are ones I tend to shy away from. I am not heartless so I do care about these things, but it is so easy to forget how pressing these matters are, when you don’t face it yourself. From this trip, although I am only getting a tiny snapshot of what the rest of the world is like, I can no longer use the excuse that I don’t understand these issues, so I can not contribute to efforts to help other parts of the world.
What I am leaving behind seems daunting, but it is for the better. By forcing myself to leave these qualities of myself behind, I leave behind many anxieties I had about this trip. By being open, I allow myself to be calm.