What am I leaving behind?

            Leaving? Leaving may not be the only word for this situation for me. I think pausing seems more like it. But this pausing isn’t one where I forget everything about myself but more like the one where I take myself and take a step back to open up to something unseen, slightly intimidating but most definitely intriguing. I am pausing my assumptions or at least trying to, pausing my comfort zone and most importantly, pausing to be able to replay the memories and relationships I form here.

            I am leaving behind home and the comfort of comfort. To say that I was and am and will continue to be challenged throughout this trip would be correct. I am leaving behind the fear of uneasiness and trying to embrace the uncertainty that I will be greeted with.

            I am leaving behind some relationships at home to make new ones. Whether it’s the inability to bring all my clothes or the distance from home, I am nervous but extremely excited because pausing does not mean stopping. Pausing to embark on this journey to learn about India and myself provokes me to think about the opportunity cost of being on this trip. Leaving home for a few weeks in summer may not seem amazing but if I don’t, then I don’t think I would know better.

            I am leaving behind my expectations to experience the genuine happiness of surprise and wonder; unlike the one I have experienced multiple times on failed surprise birthday parties. I am boarding the plane with excitement, energy and disbelief and my only hope is to feel, think, observe closely, something I don’t do as often as I would like.