for the best

As I am traveling to India, many emotions are taking me over. I am excited, but also a little bit scared of the unknown. What exactly is waiting for me in India? How am I going to feel during and after the trip? I am a little nervous of leaving everything behind, leaving the current Isabella behind. 

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What am I leaving behind?

Leaving? Leaving may not be the only word for this situation for me. I think pausing seems more like it. But this pausing isn’t one where I forget everything about myself but more like the one where I take myself and take a step back to open up to something unseen, slightly intimidating but most definitely intriguing.

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my biggest fear

I am leaving behind a girl who has been sheltered for all of her life, a girl who swallowed what the media fed her and accepted headlines that were only half of the truth. I’ve only ever seen the United States, and even then only my small, northeastern part of it. But as I was stepping onto the plane to Dubai at Logan, I shed that version of myself.

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Is Summer Expensive?

What are you doing over the summer?  My usual reply is: I am going off to summer camps, traveling with my family, and relaxing at home.  Never have I understood that my freedom during the summer and my parents’ fulfillment of my happy and exciting summer is very expensive.

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Airports

I love airports. The overwhelming grandeur of planes taking off, the rush of people hurrying to their respective gates, the whooshing of deadlines flying by. The airport is a site of everlasting commotion and company; yet at the same time, it is inexplicably lonely.

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No simple task

For the past few days, I have been thinking about what I need for this trip – toothbrush, hat, passport, deodorant (weather.com says it’s going to be 108 degrees!)—but above all, I knew I would need an open mind for this trip. 

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Niswarth: Departure

This trip, steeped and stinking already with the desire to escape and renew, takes me by surprise. It is being Presented to me, using the word presented most literally, as in handed to me like a gift. An opportunity yearned for so often by others, unabashedly: a clean slate. 

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What I Am Leaving Behind

Last night, I dined with my mother’s mother’s sister’s daughter’s nine year old son. (Dining might be too strong of a word – we went to an “All American Buffet” restaurant in a northern district of Seoul. The food was trying hard to be American, but the various peppers thrown into nearly every dish did not agree with my Boston-raised taste buds.) I didn’t even catch his name.

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Love

As I sit here in the Boston Logan Airport waiting for my connecting flight, I feel like Niswarth has officially come full circle. Over the past three weeks, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve sweated, and I’ve experienced so many life-changing things. After all of it though, I find myself sitting in the exact same plot of land as before.

But even as I am struck by this eerie airport déjà vu, I am also reminded that in so many ways, the trip has not come full circle at all. In addition to more than a few hand-beaded bracelets and pairs of  harem pants, I am bringing home a new sense of what it means to be wealthy.

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Hand, Heart, Head

We have formed many circles this past week. In circles of song and dance, sweat trickled down our skin like rivers of rain running down a car window. We formed circles of discussion, gratitude and love, where truth was spoken. ESI has impacted my spirit and sense of self, more than any place. From learning about mind-control from Mukesh Bhai to losing myself in the candles lit at the silent dinner, I found a peace that was wrapped in layers of worry and insecurity. 

I am bringing back the gratitude and love that Suresh Bhai had as he patted each of our heads, that I felt looking at each person within our imperfect circles. I am bringing back these circles, a spirit of openness and honesty to myself and others.

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