It Is In, And Out

I first learned about potential energy in 5th grade. Surrounded by the faux-walls and dark wood of Bancroft Elementary School, my red-bordered generic science textbook explained types of gravitational energy with a simple example: a roller-coaster. From a pale, computer-generated image, I could see that the cars had the most potential energy while sedentary at the top of the hill; as they actually moved, they lost potential energy and gained kinetic. My 12-year old self quickly caught on: position determines how much energy an object contains.

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On Fearlessness

Fearlessness is a strange virtue to me, strange to place in the upper echelons of all the sentiments plastered on the walls and hearts leaning in on me. In the context of Niswarth, maybe it means to keep your heart open, to trust and be present instead of planning, strategizing, and having stringent expectations or goals. But following such hypotheses, a classic (or cliché?) quote comes to my mind about courage: courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to overcome it. 

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A hole in your heart

Quite ironically, Jayesh Patel, leader of Manav Sadhna and ESI, touched on many of the principles we attempted to embody while at the School for the Blind, including fearlessness and tackling the fear of the unknown.

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The Fear of Being Blindfolded

As our chauffeured white vans rolled up onto the rocky terrain, filled with red sand, I witnessed the debris make its first intimate contact with the windows of our vehicle. Each particle of the sand landed neatly across the window shield, making me blind to my surroundings, unaware of the territory my feet would tread, and unsure of how deep an impact my footprint could leave behind in the sand.  

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Right Decision, Wrong Reason

When first arriving at the blind school, I felt afraid. I walked into the center of the courtyard, watching the students talk and play, and all I could think of was their disability. I feared that our relationship would be one of patronizing nature and send a message of superiority. My gut told me to stay with my classmates, and that any interaction with the blind students would come off as condescending. I was afraid of how I portrayed myself.

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Gandhi’s Truth

I visualize a painting.  Similar to the one on the corner wall of the teachers’ common room, hidden behind a pillar.  If I walk straight into the kitchen, I will most likely miss it. 

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Horizontal Fears

I have a horizontal relationship with fear. Its taunting lure is not my superior, its skeptics and judgements do not precede my morals. It does not loom over me, nor am I above it. I see it as an equal. I choose to embrace it, even with its twisted roots. Fear does not control me; for that, I feel fearless.

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The Monster

Fear of the unknown has always bother me. I definitely don't like surprises. At all. The mixture of discomfort and insecurity I feel when I don't know what is coming next makes me restless.

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