A hole in your heart

Quite ironically, Jayesh Patel, leader of Manav Sadhna and ESI, touched on many of the principles we attempted to embody while at the School for the Blind, including fearlessness and tackling the fear of the unknown.

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The Fear of Being Blindfolded

As our chauffeured white vans rolled up onto the rocky terrain, filled with red sand, I witnessed the debris make its first intimate contact with the windows of our vehicle. Each particle of the sand landed neatly across the window shield, making me blind to my surroundings, unaware of the territory my feet would tread, and unsure of how deep an impact my footprint could leave behind in the sand.  

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Right Decision, Wrong Reason

When first arriving at the blind school, I felt afraid. I walked into the center of the courtyard, watching the students talk and play, and all I could think of was their disability. I feared that our relationship would be one of patronizing nature and send a message of superiority. My gut told me to stay with my classmates, and that any interaction with the blind students would come off as condescending. I was afraid of how I portrayed myself.

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Gandhi’s Truth

I visualize a painting.  Similar to the one on the corner wall of the teachers’ common room, hidden behind a pillar.  If I walk straight into the kitchen, I will most likely miss it. 

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Horizontal Fears

I have a horizontal relationship with fear. Its taunting lure is not my superior, its skeptics and judgements do not precede my morals. It does not loom over me, nor am I above it. I see it as an equal. I choose to embrace it, even with its twisted roots. Fear does not control me; for that, I feel fearless.

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The Monster

Fear of the unknown has always bother me. I definitely don't like surprises. At all. The mixture of discomfort and insecurity I feel when I don't know what is coming next makes me restless.

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Living in the moment

I remember standing in a room with two other people, who were probably my mom and sister, when my grandma came in. She walked towards the yellow machine that served multiple hot drinks, just like the one at the Riverside School, but before she could reach it, she collapsed.

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Second-guessing

Second-guessing, that's my best skill, unable to let go of my skepticism I've built relationships off of mistrust. My mind racing, calculating what ifs, fearful of being hurt, I become my doubts. 

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The art of failing

 As the van pulled up into the school for the blind, my eyes wandered to grasp the unfamiliar setting before me. Goosebumps appeared on my tanned arms while my mind jumped through the puddles of confusion bubbling inside.

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Fearless from the Heart

Self-confidence and determined endeavor are qualities that are not unheard of when one is trying to achieve a particular goal. I have been told a countless amount of times to “believe in myself,” or to “try harder,” and these suggestions were only amplified in my time at Andover, a place that often serves as an accentuated microcosm of an individualistic society. These qualities had been to me an obvious component of the recipe for achieving a type of perfection, be it in academics, social capital, leadership qualities, fearlessness and the list goes on.

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